smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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