how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
