Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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