you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize