i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
