You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
