i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize