too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
