I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Alive.
So much puke
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
