Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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