Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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