Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
