cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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