It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
