the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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