I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
