i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
