I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
