Umm I'm too high to move.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
