No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love having hate sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
