dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
