I want to make a zoo with you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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