I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Enjoy the penises
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
