Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
