by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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