I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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