I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Someone shit on the floor
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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