I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
