If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
