the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
