i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
