"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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