Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
