never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
