I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
