Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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