He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
