I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
