Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
