You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize