walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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