I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
