we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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