you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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