I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize