What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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