We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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