Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
