i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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