I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
