We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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