So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
