As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
