Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
