marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize