I'm jealous of your bromance
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
