so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
