yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
