Got a toothbrush?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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