I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
