I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
