Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
