wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
