Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My balls are so social today.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
