new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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