kristin has been a bad kristin
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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