so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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