There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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