my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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