I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
