he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
