people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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