but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
